Martin (John Amplas), a young man who looks around 20-years-old, boards a train in Indianapolis, Indiana for New York. At night, he breaks into a sleeping car and sedates a woman with a syringe full of narcotics. She struggles, but he tells her not to struggle or be upset because she wont feel pain. After a few minutes, the woman falls asleep, and Martin has sex with the unconscious woman. Afterwards, he slices her wrists with a razor blade so he can drink her blood. The woman bleeds to death in her sleep.
In the morning, the train stops in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania where Martin disembarks. He is met by Tata Cuda (Lincoln Maazel) an elderly and hostile old man who claims to be his cousin from the Old World. Together, they travel by another train to the town of Braddock, a dying industrial suburb. They walk to Cuda's large house where he shows Martin his living quarters. Cuda then accuses Martin of being an 84-year-old vampire from his old country. He has taken in Martin because he is family, but tells him, "First I will save your soul. Then I shall destroy you." Martin denies being a vampire and implies that Cuda is merely his uncle rather than his cousin. Cuda then puts up strings of garlic on the doors to his and his granddaughter's room, and then holds up a small cross when Martin approaches him. Martin takes away the cross, and even takes a bite of the garlic mocking these attempts by saying bitterly, "There's no real magic... ever". Cuda tells Martin that he can come and go as he pleases. But he also warns Martin that he will kill him if he kills anyone in Braddock. He also tells Martin to stay away from his granddaughter Christine (Christine Forrest), whom arrives home from her job that evening.
Cuda introduces Christine to Martin, but also warns her to stay away from him. But Christine instead strikes up a friendship with Martin who confides in her about his vampire heritage. When Cuda later confirms Martin's claims to be a vampire, Christine, not surprisingly, refuses to believe either one. She thinks that Cuda and the other members of her family have driven Martin to insanity by making him think that he is a vampire. It is never revealed if Martin really is a vampire, or just a shy and lonely youth with troubled issues. Christine is the only person that Martin gets the courage to talk to. When Christine's boyfriend Arthur (Tom Savini) arrives at the house for dinner, Martin stops talking and backs away despite Arthur's attempt at a conversation. Christine later confides in Martin that she hopes to leave Braddock someday with Arthur, even though Martin points out that Arthur treats her badly and is both verbally and physically abusive towards her.
When Christine sees that Martin won't talk to anyone else, she buys him a phone which he installs in his room. Martin begins to repeatingly call a radio talk show where he describes what it's like to be a vampire. He becomes known on the radio as "the Count" to all the listeners. But the patronizing host (Michael Gornick) thinks he's just crazy.
Martin gets a job at Cuda's grocery store of stocking shelves, hauling boxes around, and even gets to be a delivery boy for some of the customers. One of his customers is a certain Abby Santini (Elyane Nadeau), who becomes taken in with Martin. She is a very friendly young woman who is depressed when she tells Martin that her husband is unfaithful. But Martin still does not have the nerve to talk with her, so she is happy to have someone to confide in with her life problems. Martin phones the radio show host to describe his infatuation with the housewife and senses that she wants to have sex with him. When the radio show host asks Martin if it is a sexual problem that he has involving women criticizing him during sex, Martin replies that he has never had sex with a woman who was awake.
One day, Martin travels by train to outside Braddock to look for victims. At a supermarket, he follows a young woman (Sarah Venable) home to her posh suburban house. He sees the woman's husband (Richard Rubenstein) leave for a long business trip, and Martin decides this would be the right time for more feeding. Martin returns to the house after dark and breaks in through the garage door. But it is Martin who gets the surprise when he bursts into her bedroom to find her in bed with her adulterous lover Lewis (Al Levitsky). After a vicious struggle, Martin jabs both of them with hyprodermic needles with narcotics, and waits for the drugs to take affect. He drags the unconscious body of Lewis from the house to a clump of trees across the street where he kills him by shoving a broken tree branch into his neck and drinks his blood. Martin returns to the house where he has sex with the unconscious woman. But out of compassion and pity, he decides to let her live.
Martin begins to have romantic monochrome visions of his vampire past (real or imagined), where he drained blood from a young woman and was chased through the streets of a nameless European town by a torch-lit mob.
During one Sunday at church, Cuda brings home Father Howard (George A. Romero) who asks him about the possibility of exorcism and demon possession. Father Howard calls upon the elderly Father Zulemans (Clifford Forrest, Jr.) over at Cuda's request. Together, Cuda and Zulemans confront Martin his bedroom and attempt to perform an exorcism on him. At this point, Martin remembers (another real or imaginary flashback), in the Old Country of people trying to perform an exorcism on him, and he flees them. Martin then flees from Cuda and Zuelmas as well. A little later that night, Martin terrorizes Cuda in a children's playground when he puts on a Dracula cape and puts false fangs into his mouth to pretend that he really is a vampire.
One day, Martin finally musters the courage to talk with Mrs. Santini during a routine delivery to her house where he tells her that he's aware of her attempts to seduce him and wants now to have sex with her. After having sex for the first time, Mrs. Santini becomes more depressed for she tells Martin that her husband just left her because she discovered that she cannot bear children, and that her desires towards him are based on sex and nothing else. But Martin wants to stay with her and help her move on with her life. Martin tells the radio show host about his affair with the housewife and that he no longer has the urge to attack other women.
Meanwhile, Arthur meets with Cuda and tells him that he wants Christine to leave town with him so they can get married and start a family. But Christine becomes angry at Cuda when he tells Arthur that insanity runs in their family and he shouldn't consider having children with her. Shortly afterwards, Christine packs up and leaves Braddock for New York with Arthur despite Martin telling her that Arthur is abusive towards her. But her mind is made up. Before leaving, Christine tells Martin that she really has no ill feelings towards him and just wants to make a fresh start with her life. She says goodbye to him and promises to write. But Martin knows that with an abusive and possessive man in Christine's life, she probably won't.
Depressed over losing his one true friend, Martin phones the radio show host and tells him that he's getting "shaky" and wants to go out looking for more victims. That night, Martin travels to a rough crime-ridden area of Pittsburgh and attacks two derelicts in a alley, injecting them with narcotics. He kills one of them by silting the bum's wrist and drinking his blood. Martin is about to kill the second one when a police car shows up and gives chase. Martin narrowly escapes during a long chase on foot which leads from the garbage strew streets and through a local store. Martin runs into an old warehouse where a drug deal is going down. A shootout between the two cops and the three thugs begins where all of them are killed, leaving Martin as the sole survivor who casually walks away from the carnage.
One day, Martin finds Mrs. Santini dead in her bathtub, after she had slit her writs with a razor blade. Martin anonymously calls the police to report the body and leaves. He phones the radio show host one final time to say that he really doesn't need friends or people to talk to for he is his own person. But when Cuda learns about Mrs. Santini's suicide, is mistakenly thinks Martin killed her and made it look like a suicide as he's done before. Cuda walks into Martin's room while he is asleep and kills him by hammering a wooden stake through Martin's heart.
Cuda buries Martin's body in his back garden, while over the closing credits various voices from people are heard talking to the radio show host asking the whereabouts of "the Count".
屎尿屁永远是主角，虽然主题看上去很深刻，但仍逃不出低俗的表现手法，唉。。。没生孩子之前觉得小新好搞笑，生了孩子之后再看小新真的挺讨厌这样的孩子的。果然不同年龄段的认知是完全颠覆的。
居然这么深刻，还是本格推理，批判的是功绩社会对成功的量化和教育的价值取向。用屁股思考，用鼻涕打人这些离谱的环节就还蛮好笑的，很喜欢小新和他家这种有自己定见的温暖氛围。小新和风间在樱花飘飘的跑道上互诉衷肠，简直就是基情四射的《麦琪的礼物》。而我注意到的是，番长大人那么帅！
令人热泪盈眶，印象深刻的点有三处。第一是以往用得最多的被制度化里面嵌套了经得起推敲的侦探推理（救猫咪害人不浅），本来以为学院里的故事会是老一套的“分数之争”，结果剧情走向比这一层高出不少，也彻底没有了千篇一律复制粘贴的动画群杂形象，制作上也属精良。第二是反派们其实并不是真的“坏”，校长不坏、AI不坏、第一名不坏、风间不坏，他们只是各行其是，却给主角团造成了天然的阻碍（当然了其中也确实还有逻辑生硬的部分）。第三是关于青春是什么的阐述太能让人共情，青春是如此复杂，只要日后能笑着回忆起来的，都是值得的青春，而最让人动容的可能是小新爸妈那两句，青春是“曾经拥有”，青春也是“此时此刻”。
表达出来的东西实在太多太多，最后以青春收尾是我万万没有想到的，一向懦弱的正男戴上了象征勇气的面具，把鼻涕当做武器的阿呆终于情窦初开，无理取闹的妮妮也担得起团队领导的角色，青春就是试错，是不完美，是大家可以一直在一起。
以为大人帝国之后不会再有更好的作品了，这次的故事抓住了蜡笔小新的又一个生活化关键词【友情】。其实在片段之间衔接的不够流畅，但是结局做的很精妙。亲手和被异化的最好的朋友决一死战，是很多电影里常用的情节，应用到这个地方，用风间最关心的那个问题【精英】来做助力简直是正中红心。最后一幕让我想到电锯人里变成了枪之恶魔的秋与电次的最后一战。电次没能救下秋，但小新和风间还有着无限美好的未来，想到这里就要再次泪崩了。
青春是什么…是存在内心不管几岁也不觉得自己年华老去。
青春是什么…是存在内心不管几岁也不觉得自己年华老去。
青春是什么？青春是谜团重重。愿我们都活在青春里
蜡笔小新的剧本真的出乎预料之外的好，要看哭了T.T
一个已经失去了童心的人只想被马桶搋子咬一口，并且希望小新那样的傻瓜们就自娱自乐去吧。
依然爆笑，但我认为这版不适合儿童观看，剧情太过成人化了点，加入恋爱和友情（腐），讽刺了当代的教育体制，解读了青春的概念。
有些日本电影总是中二的不行 但是你还是会莫名的被感动
这个剧场版，会让人联想到，春日部防卫队五人组长大以后会不会渐行渐远。。惆怅
跑起来才是蜡笔小新，才是青春啊。
每年的某一天都会突然想：啊，去年的剧场版忘看了hhh。。开始还以为是黑镜style
😅蜡笔小新所有的剧场版我都看过，这部真的不好看啊。我都不知道怎么能这么高分？
关于内卷鸡娃的故事，小新一部部的剧场让我确信，这绝对是披着儿童向外衣的成人电影，扎心的同时如同喝了一吨鸡汤
2 特别是高潮部分突然把前卫的故事做得有点昭和 感觉没那么有必要
看完立马就想来发表一下感慨。
这两年的新作没以前的精彩了啊，也就看蜡笔小新剧场版的时候最接近童年了
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